WARNING: The remainder of the blog is the story of my labor and Matthew's birth, complete and unedited. If you have never given birth or witnessed it this could shatter any illusions you may have had so take head ;) Its messy, its brutal, its beautiful and it is hands down the most profound experience of my life.
I woke up on the morning of the 19th with contractions that were noticeably different from what I had been experiencing for the last few days. We were already scheduled for our regular 40 week appointment that morning at 11, and once there they confirmed what I already suspected, we were in early labor (3 cent. dilated and 80% effaced) Nell said she could break my water and send me over to labor and delivery but that she didn't recommend that, I told her it was not our preference either and that I would like to head home and let labor progress naturally & see where things went. She told us to call her in the morning if nothing had happened, but I knew deep down that this was our baby's birthday.
When Mike and I started this journey way back in May we didn't set out to have a natural birth. Certainly I knew women who had done it and was in awe of the process but I am also a woman who appreciates modern medicine and was (and remain) never against the idea of drugs! But somewhere around the midpoint of my pregnancy this plan had started to form ( I have NO idea where it came from). What I do know for a fact is that this plan solidified after we found Christi and Aimee with Birth Insights and signed up for their 8 week birthing class. The knowledge, information, techniques, and guidance they shared with us gave us the confidence to chart this course and I really do mean "us". Mike didn't just "go" to these classes with me but was truly present and interested, he listened and learned and as a result we made the decision together, for Matthew.
He was the best support I could have ask for. As my labor progressed at home and my surges got stronger and closer together he worked to help me with various positions to manage the pain. He applied counter pressure and tried to keep me as relaxed as possible...but this is still Mike we are talking about here, and my gadget guru husband informed me around 2pm that he was running to Best Buy to pick up the new LCD backpack for his gopro...determined to go all Martin Scorsese on this delivery. I told him to hurry up and I got into the shower. The shower definitely helped, don't get me wrong it still hurt like hell, but it did seem to dull it in some ways. Mike returned about 45 min. later and I was out of the shower and back on my hands and knees (which is where I spent the majority of my labor) and he worked me through a few other position we had learned in our class. Somewhere along 3:30 or 4 I remember starting to tremble and get cold (from what we learned in class I knew this to be a sign of transition in to active labor) and I decided to get back into the shower around 4:30, partly for warmth and partly for comfort. At this point things really started to intensify and I noticed a definite change in my surges and although my frequency stayed around 3 min. apart the duration almost from the beginning had been at least one minute plus (probably all that red raspberry leaf tea...thanks ladies) Despite knowing the goal was 2-3 min in frequency, this is where I say KNOW YOUR BODY! I had the sense that things were progressing quickly and felt like I would be more comfortable at the hospital. Around 5pm I told Mike I wanted to make our way. Almost as soon as I got out of the shower and dressed my water broke (although we did discover later it was probably just my fore bag) By 5:20 we were on our way to DePaul...in rush hour traffic no less...thanks baby! I have to pause here and laughingly remember that no matter how prepared you are ahead of time the moments of "getting ready to go to the hospital" are as frantic and funny as they look on TV, at least as I remember them. Despite having the car packed Mike is still running around for last minute items- cramming bites of my leftover grilled cheese from lunch in his mouth as he passed by it and despite all his planning and effort walking right out of the door WITHOUT the gopro with its shinny new LCD screen! :)
By the time we got to the hospital I was deep in to managing my labor and as Mike pulled up to drop me off this wonderful man, I have no idea who he was or why he was there, offered to wheel me up to L&D while Mike parked the car. PRAISE THE LORD! He talked to me on the elevator and told me he and his wife had delivered two children at DePaul and assured me how great it was, he even encouraged me for how I worked through a surge on our way up. He dropped me off at the desk and disappeared, I never got his name and although Im sure I managed to say thank you, I don't feel like it was enough - so Im sending my thanks into the cosmos -hopefully he gets it, the kindness of strangers does still exist!
They got me into a room and I hit my "position" of all 4's on the bed. I barely even saw who was helping me, between being in a haze from the pain and having my face burried in the pillow, they hooked me up to the monitors for a period to track his heart rate and reaction to my labor and then my midwife arrived. (I do remember Dr. Golpira coming in a one point as well but again as my ass in the air was the general greeting everyone received I didn't really see her either...)
Jennifer was the midwife on call that day and she would ultimately be the one to help us get Matthew here. I also have to recognize my amazing labor nurses Megan and Devon. This team, along with my phenomenal husband were my dream team, I couldn't have asked for more. She checked my progress around 6pm and announced that I was 5cm and still 80% (which I did NOT find nearly as encouraging as they made it sound). Knowing that first timers can normally expect a centimeter of dialation an hour the prospect of 5 more hours of this before I could begin to push was...definiatley enough to test my resolve. She told me that my bag of water was still in tact and that if she ruptured it it would really get things going. I also knew this would really intensify things and I wasn't sure I was ready for that. She gave me half an hour or so to think about it and when she returned I took her advice and let her proceed. It was at this point that we first heard the word meconium.
There was much debate back and forth about whether there was evidence of meconium in my fluid and ultimatly it was never deterimed one way or another, and we proceeded on with my labor. The breaking of my water did get me to somewhere between 6-7cm and as I suspected and feared the surges became much more frequent and much more intense. I dont think I has illusions of a quiet labor but I certainly didnt think I would be as vocal as I was. I moaned through the surges with mike working to keep my tone low to keep things as open as possible. I moved back to the shower for a time and then back to hands and knees (and face in the pillow) on the bed. Then the nausea hit and it hit hard. I had suspected I would get sick. When I had my kidney stone episode in college I remembered vomiting from the pain, so I figured that was a natural response for my body...I also knew this to be on of the signs of transition...and so the puking began. I puked and puked and puked, I seriously questioned my ability to do this as I battled contractions and vomit, but low and behold I puked myself right to a 9! Turns out puking is the perfect pressure to force open your cervix...yea vomit! At this point I was told I could try pushing to see if I could complete and I experienced a total mental shift. Knowing that I was close to meeting my baby and that I had some semblance of control over what was happening was like having new life breathed into me...game on body!
Pushing ended up lasting a lot longer than I expected (and as a result was a lot messier...you do the math) but just like Christi and Aimee taught us by allowing my body to "do what it was made to do" I was more or less in an altered state of conciseness by this point. My perception of time was completely suspended. Iv'e never been high before, but I'd have to imagine it feels something like this. I actually learned several days after delivery that while I though I had only pushed for maybe an hour and a half it was actually close to three hours! I was also told I probably could have saved an hour had baby boy not had his hand wedged up under his chin!
I have to say, despite certain unpleasantries, pushing was my favorite part of labor. Besides finally feeling like an active participant who had some control, I truly remember it to be the most painless part of the whole process. All I knew is that with every contraction and every push we were that much closer to meeting out little man. I was so relaxed with the pushing in fact that after the baby crowned I had to be reminded that I actually needed to finish pushing him all the way out! With one little nudge and a great big relief Matthew Allen Tamayo entered the world, all 8lbs of him! As they plopped him on my stomach and I reached to hold him the mood in the room shifted significantly. The next 5 minutes were simultaneously the longest and fastest of my life. It was clear he was in trouble, it was clear on their faces and in their voices. The commands of "no don't stimulate the baby, don't let him breathe" and the phrase "thick mec"repeated over and over. His cord was clamped and cut quickly, a right that Mike was robbed of, and in less than 30 seconds my baby, this little person that had grown inside me for the last 10 months was whisked away, I never even saw his face. This is a part of the story that Mike could tell better though I don't know that he would really like to relive it. I was trapped in the bed, my view blocked, still really "high" from all the endorphins, but Mike, he saw everything. The peids team went to work using a laryngoscope placed way down into his chest to suction as much of the meconium out as they could before allowing him to breathe. No one really knew at that point how much damage was already done. The estimate is that he passed the meconium 12-24 hours before his was born, and that it might be what actually put me into labor, but he had been "breathing" it in his fluid for a very long time. After what seemed like a lifetime they finally worked him and allowed him to breathe. His cry was weak, and gravely and clearly not the sign of a "healthy" baby but he cried all the same and I was hugely relieved. As they worked on Matthew and prepared to move him to the nursery they continued to work on me. My placenta was delivered quickly, or it felt quick to me. She pulled on the remainder of his cord and it came right out...it looked ungodly. Just as Matthew was covered with the meconium my placenta was meconium stained as well and that was our first big clue as to how long he had been exposed. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was shock, but while I knew he was struggling I just never allowed myself to realize how serious it really was, I guess honestly none of us knew at this point how serious it was. I just kept thinking, meconium...happens all the time, he'll need a little help and then he'll be fine. I just had no idea. As they were trying to leave the room with him, one of my labor nurses Megan ask them to at least allow me to hold him for a moment. There was obvious displeasure for this on the face of the pediatricians but she really lobbied for me and for that I will be forever grateful. They placed him in my arms, my baby, long enough to take a quick family photo and for me to kiss his head and then he was gone. I wouldn't hold my baby again for another 7 days. The longest 7 days of my life.
They got me into a room and I hit my "position" of all 4's on the bed. I barely even saw who was helping me, between being in a haze from the pain and having my face burried in the pillow, they hooked me up to the monitors for a period to track his heart rate and reaction to my labor and then my midwife arrived. (I do remember Dr. Golpira coming in a one point as well but again as my ass in the air was the general greeting everyone received I didn't really see her either...)
Jennifer was the midwife on call that day and she would ultimately be the one to help us get Matthew here. I also have to recognize my amazing labor nurses Megan and Devon. This team, along with my phenomenal husband were my dream team, I couldn't have asked for more. She checked my progress around 6pm and announced that I was 5cm and still 80% (which I did NOT find nearly as encouraging as they made it sound). Knowing that first timers can normally expect a centimeter of dialation an hour the prospect of 5 more hours of this before I could begin to push was...definiatley enough to test my resolve. She told me that my bag of water was still in tact and that if she ruptured it it would really get things going. I also knew this would really intensify things and I wasn't sure I was ready for that. She gave me half an hour or so to think about it and when she returned I took her advice and let her proceed. It was at this point that we first heard the word meconium.
There was much debate back and forth about whether there was evidence of meconium in my fluid and ultimatly it was never deterimed one way or another, and we proceeded on with my labor. The breaking of my water did get me to somewhere between 6-7cm and as I suspected and feared the surges became much more frequent and much more intense. I dont think I has illusions of a quiet labor but I certainly didnt think I would be as vocal as I was. I moaned through the surges with mike working to keep my tone low to keep things as open as possible. I moved back to the shower for a time and then back to hands and knees (and face in the pillow) on the bed. Then the nausea hit and it hit hard. I had suspected I would get sick. When I had my kidney stone episode in college I remembered vomiting from the pain, so I figured that was a natural response for my body...I also knew this to be on of the signs of transition...and so the puking began. I puked and puked and puked, I seriously questioned my ability to do this as I battled contractions and vomit, but low and behold I puked myself right to a 9! Turns out puking is the perfect pressure to force open your cervix...yea vomit! At this point I was told I could try pushing to see if I could complete and I experienced a total mental shift. Knowing that I was close to meeting my baby and that I had some semblance of control over what was happening was like having new life breathed into me...game on body!
Pushing ended up lasting a lot longer than I expected (and as a result was a lot messier...you do the math) but just like Christi and Aimee taught us by allowing my body to "do what it was made to do" I was more or less in an altered state of conciseness by this point. My perception of time was completely suspended. Iv'e never been high before, but I'd have to imagine it feels something like this. I actually learned several days after delivery that while I though I had only pushed for maybe an hour and a half it was actually close to three hours! I was also told I probably could have saved an hour had baby boy not had his hand wedged up under his chin!
I have to say, despite certain unpleasantries, pushing was my favorite part of labor. Besides finally feeling like an active participant who had some control, I truly remember it to be the most painless part of the whole process. All I knew is that with every contraction and every push we were that much closer to meeting out little man. I was so relaxed with the pushing in fact that after the baby crowned I had to be reminded that I actually needed to finish pushing him all the way out! With one little nudge and a great big relief Matthew Allen Tamayo entered the world, all 8lbs of him! As they plopped him on my stomach and I reached to hold him the mood in the room shifted significantly. The next 5 minutes were simultaneously the longest and fastest of my life. It was clear he was in trouble, it was clear on their faces and in their voices. The commands of "no don't stimulate the baby, don't let him breathe" and the phrase "thick mec"repeated over and over. His cord was clamped and cut quickly, a right that Mike was robbed of, and in less than 30 seconds my baby, this little person that had grown inside me for the last 10 months was whisked away, I never even saw his face. This is a part of the story that Mike could tell better though I don't know that he would really like to relive it. I was trapped in the bed, my view blocked, still really "high" from all the endorphins, but Mike, he saw everything. The peids team went to work using a laryngoscope placed way down into his chest to suction as much of the meconium out as they could before allowing him to breathe. No one really knew at that point how much damage was already done. The estimate is that he passed the meconium 12-24 hours before his was born, and that it might be what actually put me into labor, but he had been "breathing" it in his fluid for a very long time. After what seemed like a lifetime they finally worked him and allowed him to breathe. His cry was weak, and gravely and clearly not the sign of a "healthy" baby but he cried all the same and I was hugely relieved. As they worked on Matthew and prepared to move him to the nursery they continued to work on me. My placenta was delivered quickly, or it felt quick to me. She pulled on the remainder of his cord and it came right out...it looked ungodly. Just as Matthew was covered with the meconium my placenta was meconium stained as well and that was our first big clue as to how long he had been exposed. Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was shock, but while I knew he was struggling I just never allowed myself to realize how serious it really was, I guess honestly none of us knew at this point how serious it was. I just kept thinking, meconium...happens all the time, he'll need a little help and then he'll be fine. I just had no idea. As they were trying to leave the room with him, one of my labor nurses Megan ask them to at least allow me to hold him for a moment. There was obvious displeasure for this on the face of the pediatricians but she really lobbied for me and for that I will be forever grateful. They placed him in my arms, my baby, long enough to take a quick family photo and for me to kiss his head and then he was gone. I wouldn't hold my baby again for another 7 days. The longest 7 days of my life.
LA, thanks for sharing this! Every birth story is beautiful and amazing, but I feel especially connected to yours, as my second son was also a NICU baby and didn't come home for 3 weeks. I am so happy that Matthew's home and your family is happy and healthy.
ReplyDeleteloriann. i had no idea. i have tears in my eyes reading this and experiencing it with y'all. hugs hugs hugs and sooooooo glad little matthew is home safe and sound.
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