I stand before you today (metaphorically speaking) with my hand over my heart and three fingers held high, a-la the girl scout promise, and say; I am a breast feeding, baby wearing, cloth diapering mamma!
( I am not yet convinced that the extra one hour of sleep I eek out in the morning by putting this little booger on my chest constitutes co-sleeping so I am holding off on my Birkenstock purchase for the time being). However, I am a bit shocked myself at the evolution in my thinking regarding my actual parenting style vs. what I thought this reality might look like five years ago. Please don't misunderstand, I do not now nor have I ever thought the items above to be weird, odd or more or less helpful/harmful to the development of a child, they just simply were not ideas I pictured myself embracing pre-children. I also find it slightly ironic that I see this as an evolution, considering that the definition of the word typically involves progression and forward thinking yet the very items I am speaking of are actually as old as time. From the dawn of man women wore their babies, not because Dr. Sears told them too, but because they had things to do! Firewood to gather, fields to plow, mastodon to kill! Women breastfed because that was what they had to do, there was no "perfectly formulated" formula, breast milk was the perfect food: easily accessible, readily available and FREE. And I don't even want to think about the diapering, disposables were clearly not an option, but I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that little baby loin cloths were certainly harder to clean than today's modernized cloth versions.
A cute cloth diapered bum...post two months shots :(
Look, I am not ready to start manufacturing my own hand milled bath soaps to sell on the roadside and at Phish concerts but these things really work for me and my little dude and I should mention that my big dude totally supports, embraces and encourages these ideas as well, and that's really progressive! (You go babe! )
While no one way is the right way and I continue to support a to each his/her own attitude, this is the path our family is traveling. We are living and we are thriving! Just wait until we get the chicken coop erected in the back yard :)
DISCLAIMER: This blog was written in jest and means no disrespect to you actual hippies out there. I find your attitudes towards peace love and happiness totally groovy!
I had several visitors this weekend, or rather I should say Matthew did, he is the main attraction these days, Im just the support staff :) One of the visitors (who I'm allowing to remain nameless) had not seen me in quite a while and certainly not since I have given birth, looked at me towards the end of our visit and sort of nodded at the sweet lump of a baby in my arms peacefully sleeping and said..."that's put a good five years on you". I immediately felt like I had been slapped...with a brick...As I fought back the sting building in my eyes my head was screaming...ARE YOU KIDDING ME! I just had a baby! Not only that, I had a baby in the NICU for two weeks and I haven't slept like a human being for almost 8 weeks! (and lets be honest its really been more like 8 months) I am in constant demand for food and comfort and every other little need this tiny human has...ARE YOU KIDDING ME? But all I could muster was a sad little "why would you say that"? Now in fairness to this visitor, and the main reason I am allowing them to remain nameless, I know that the comment did not come from a place of malice. It in no way was meant to even be hurtful, this individual was just blissfully unaware of the land mine riddled field they were dancing in when they made what they believed was just a simple observation...Also in fairness to this individual, I had not showered that day (I though I was doing great putting on real clothes and not staying in my pajamas!), I had my hair in a ponytail and it did not even occur to me to put on a stitch of makeup for their visit. So this begs the question...how off base was he? What exactly is the statute of limitation on "letting yourself go" once you have a baby?
I've been at this almost two months now, I'm returning to work in another 4 weeks...at some point I have to figure things out...Im pretty sure they are going to want me showered and ready for work...Just when do I have to get my shit together? The short answer to this, I think, is it depends. (Very PC right?) But really every day navigating these new waters known as parenthood are dramatically different. Some nights are much stormier than others...these are the days I tend to sail the ship in my sweats...and on those days of calm seas I can feel like a rock star for all I can accomplish with a baby on my shoulder. I don't think any of this will change as we transition out of the newborn stage into the baby that can crawl and eventually walk. And don't even get me started on how much more complicated this will get when the first mate enters toddlerhood...OY. The short story here is it really makes no difference if this kid put 10 years on me, its worth it. And in truth I do feel myself getting a bit more comfortable day by day....today for example? A huge win; not only a shower, but hair did and makeup on! Take that buddy!
...or perhaps the full moon but I am typing this one handed standing in front of my computer swaying side to side with little man finally nestled in the Moby wrap because my arm was literally threatening to fall off. He has been a fussy, out of sorts mess since our abrupt wake up this morning. Although I'd like to blame outer space anomalies for abducting my normally content, good napping baby I fear this may be a lot more mundane and normal than I'd like to allow myself to believe. It is difficult for me to feel like I am unable to console my child...flesh of my flesh...but the cold hard facts can not be denied...sometimes I just can't solve the mystery. Is it that he's over tired from his pitiful nap schedule yesterday, or perhaps our dinner out that took us a bit off our regular routine last evening? Did I eat something that is hurting his belly, or is this just his regular gassy self? Is he hungry?... No, he can't be hungry we just ate an hour and a half ago!!!....riiiiggghhhtt.... ;) Truth is it could be all of these or none of these and I may never know.
Everyday is a new day, and all those challenges I feel like I finally solved yesterday...well, like I said it's a new day. So we will continue to sway and rock and pat and snuggle and lean on our crutch known as the "white noise" app on our phones (seriously...if you don't have this yet you must get it, small baby not required it's great for grown ups too) to try and navigate each new day...and maybe if we're lucky his mood will shift back with the phasing of the moon.
I realize single words can't qualify as oxymorons but this single word should have an exception made for it. Normal doesn't quite fit the context of life these days, at least not in its former more traditional sense. Normal used to consist of sitting on the couch sipping my coffee, now it means seeing how few times I can reheat my coffee before I get to finish it (3 so far today). Normal used to be regular gym workouts, now it means 24/7 at home strength training sessions...this boy is heavy! My normal joy of cooking has taken a back seat to things that can be preped quickly or eaten quickly with one hand...see twenty four seven gym mention above. And while I have always loved my dairy products, I never expected to turn into the dairy myself! My baby caring has transitioned to baby wearing, my purse has magically transformed into a diaper bag, and sadly I'd much rather have a glass of water over a glass of wine...gasp! While I know these "norms" are not going to last forever and dare I say it, might one day return to their former selves, I am working really hard to embrace...and actually loving...this new version. Who knew "normal" with a party of three could be so much fun ;)
